Exactly a year ago, I gave Squarespace some credit card info and decided that I was gonna write. What exactly would I write about? Dunno! That didn’t really seem important at the time. The important part was that the idea scared me, so I thought it would probably be good for me. A couple things about it made me nervous:
1) I had never shared my personal writing with anyone outside of my tiny writing classes, because it was too dear to me. As long as I was the only one reading it, I could pretend I was good at it, and keep it sacred in that way. If I shared it and people found me to be a shitty writer, I was pretty sure sad times would ensue.
2) I'd spent the last couple years being extremely private about my life, because I wasn't exactly proud of it. Failed relationships left and right, tiniest paychecks, and not even one pet cat to show on Instagram – it's safe to say I was a bit ashamed of my choices.
But on January 12th, 2014, at 3am, I felt compelled to write my first blogpost. By hitting publish, I committed to sharing my words and mess of a life. I basically committed to making myself uncomfortable on a regular basis :D
It's been an interesting process, becoming accustomed to seeing these little bits of my mind exist outside of my own head. It's been interesting to see how people receive them as well. One of my favorite pieces to write only picked up like 20 views, while a piece I considered to be a quick throwaway became the most popular. I never really planned what to write, and never knew what to expect when posting. The first few times definitely made me feel nervous every time I hit publish. "Wait, why did I write this? Everyone's gonna think I'm the dumbest, and I'm pretty sure every other word is misspelled..."
After a while it became more natural though, and I've gone from feeling nervous about sharing, to finding it comforting. One of my 2015 resolutions is to keep moving, and to expand my comfort zone by doing things that scare me. So on this one year mark, I'm feeling ready to move on. This space has become comfortable. I'm sure I'll return to it once in a while, but I want to untether myself and take up the challenge of writing elsewhere. Maybe I'll pop up on Medium more often, maybe I'll find new ground, maybe I'll get to collaborate with some of you!
In any case, it's time to find the next thing that scares me. Thanks for indulging me this year :) Genuinely sending out love, best wishes, and the energy to always keep moving.
GIVE ME A HUG. OK, BYE!