It’s become a recent tradition among us three sisters to read our horoscopes to each other on New Year’s Eve. Fun, right?
My horoscope this year read something like this:
“Hey, hi! Excited for a fresh start? Not so fast there tiger – January might very well kill you. If you survive January (which you probably won’t), then you have April to look forward to, which will come in like a demon lion and out like a slaughtered lamb (you will be the lamb). But don’t fret, you might have a good day in July!”
I’m paraphrasing, but that’s basically what I heard. I, of course, received this news like a rational adult.
I burst into tears. And not just a few tears I could blink away before anyone noticed, but like…SNOT RIVERS. I snot-cried while my sisters looked on in horror and floated tissues my way. It was like when I was 2 and sobbing about how everyone was calling our pet a “rabbit”, when I believed the proper term was “bunny”: they wanted to comfort me, but didn’t really know what the hell I was crying about.
Something about that horoscope just really got to me. It sounded so ominous, especially with April being my birth month and January being the first month of the year.
January has been emotional for my family since my mom passed away during this usually promise-filled month. Since then, I’ve never quite been able to get that hopeful feeling back about the new year. At the risk of sounding whiny, 2012 and 2013 were the most challenging years of my life so far, so I was secretly hoping 2014 was gonna roll in with roses. To hear a prediction that I’d have to wait until July for happiness momentarily turned me into a tiny toddler. Oops. Not my best!
So how did January go? The horoscope turned out at least partially true – it was a little bit fucking hard! But it didn't break me. And a funny thing happens when you are met by challenges that you think are too large to get over: when you do face and conquer them, you feel stronger than ever. Being pushed to your limits, only to see that your resilience might actually be limitless, is one of the most empowering realizations a person can have.
So bring it, April. I'll eat your demon lion for breakfast. (But fingers crossed for a really lovely February & March, heehee...)
Incidentally, this blog is one of the things that helped me get through the month, so thank you guys for reading and keeping me company. Love you a lot! And if any of you are going through a tough time right now, take heart in the fact that it won't last forever, and you are not alone. We all have seasons of struggle, and it is how we handle these seasons that determines our character. If you face your challenges with honesty and courage, you will be a better, wiser, cooler person on the other side, guaranteed.