“I hate you on facebook”

I recently had a dream about running into a girl I haven’t seen in years. I excitedly said “Helloooo!” and tried to hug her, but she rolled her eyes at me and said:

“Ugh, I hate you on facebook.”

She dodged my hug and kept walking, adding, over her shoulder:

“You’re always posting annoying little stories that you try to force into dumb life lessons. Just stop.”

Wowch. My feelings! I was hurt, but not angry, and replied:

“Aw man, that sucks that my posts annoy you. I get it though. Can we still be friends in real life?”

I woke up wondering if this had been one of my psychic dreams. I could very well be facebook-rubbing this girl the wrong way, along with hundreds of others (that sounds kinda gross, my bad). But, short of killing my account, can I really do anything about it? We pretty much all annoy one another all day every day, thus the many lists of how to be insufferable on facebook. We all use it differently and want to see different things on it, so no one is winning with everyone.

I imagine that for some, when I pop up in their newsfeeds their thoughts might look something like this:

“I swear to balls. If I have to see one more picture of this bitch in a photo booth…”


“Yes. Do tell us another whiny anecdote about how someone asked for your number and you got offended because you’re feeling feministy today.”


"How did you know? Another shitty poem about divorce is exactly what I needed to brighten my Monday!"

and definitely

“Do you have to link to your fucking blog every time you fucking post?!”

“Can we still be friends in real life?”

My hope for anyone who has had any of the above thoughts or similar: Unfollow so we can still be friends! :D

With social media now such an integral part of how we experience our friends and acquaintances, we’ve started to include what they tweet, facebook, and instagram into our opinion of them. There’s a difference between “real life” and social media life though. I definitely have friends who I love to spend time with, but who annoy the shit out of me on facebook. Some of these friends I’ve unfollowed as a way to better maintain our love :) On the flip side, there are also people who I get excited about on facebook because we seem to have such similar likes, but then when we meet up in person I can't wait to leave and like them from afar.

Others I’ve unfollowed because I noticed their posts were making me feel a little dissatisfied with my life. “Oh...you’re shopping for a new car again?” [sadly looks out window at very dirty minivan].

So what is the "dumb life lesson" that I'm trying to force out of this "annoying little story"? I guess it is this: try not to judge people entirely on their social media personas. Be forgiving, and know that we are all equally annoying. Know also that people can be different online and in person, and curate both your newsfeed and your real life in ways that provide you with the most positivity.

For the record, friends with cats – I will follow you for life. Or at least for the life of your cat.
Oops, that must be another one of my offenses: 

"Why this bitch always talkin bout cats when she doesn't even have one?"

Oh you guys. Just you wait until I get one. Just. You. Wait.