Ohhh a fitbit…Coool…

My beautiful, generous eldest sister sent me a surprise in the mail:

A fitbit.

I think she’s become concerned by my lack of exercise, and I don't blame her. While I've never wanted to try one of these little guys, I love my sister fiercely so I fought the urge to hide it in a drawer, and instead unboxed it and set it up!

I clipped it onto my clothing and immediately froze, hand hovering over my mouse.

Oh god. So now it’s like…tracking my every move?

I suddenly became aware that I had to pee, but I didn’t want to get up.

I don’t want it to think that I’m just taking steps to impress it. Doesn’t it seem suspicious if I start running around as soon as it’s set up? 

I sat like this, very still and very quiet, for about 2 full minutes. Finally I hesitantly moved one foot, and then the other, and then made a dash to the bathroom while wondering if the fitbit can tell when you’re peeing, and if that burns calories or what.

After the initial awkward start, I was able to forget about it and get back to my day. I needed to clean the apartment, so I did that for about 40 minutes.

Hmm, I wonder what fitbit thought of that! 

I went to the dashboard to check my steps:
0 STEPS? WTF YOU MOTHERFITTER, WHY DID I EVEN DO ANY OF THAT IF YOU WEREN’T GONNA RECORD IT?!?

Incensed, I hit refresh with a vengeance. 

Oh. 372 steps. Ok. Is that a lot or a little? 

After our first fight, fitbit and I did okay for the rest of the day. Then came sleep-monitoring time! 

Fitbit came with a big black wristband that had a cozy chamber for it to hang out in while I slept. Pretty clever! Overall a bit distracting though.

Does it think I’m asleep if I don’t move? Maybe I should move more so it doesn’t give me credit for sleeping when I’m not. Just a little wiggle now and then as long as I'm awake? Aaaand now it’s 4:15am. Please don't be disappointed in me, little thing on my wrist…

So yep! So far, fitbit has taught me less about how active I am, and more about how crazy I am. I clearly have a neurotic disorder that involves feeling judged by inanimate objects. I’ve always known that I cared too much about what other people thought, so I’ve been working on that. Apparently I also need to work on not caring what objects think. Help me fitbit!