The Grass is Always Greener....Damnit!

I hate this syndrome. It's one of the things I hate about humans the most, always wondering if we're missing out on some better life, as if it exists parallel to our chosen path all along. We worry that the more time we spend on what we chose, the more perfect moments we're missing out on in the other world. This breeds anxiety and dissatisfaction, and sometimes makes us run away from challenges that we should tackle.

As someone who has for the past couple years been facing a lot of indecision about relationships and career, I've struggled with this imaginary grass a lot. A LOT. What I have to realize and believe is that there is no other world, no parallel universe where I'm happier, more loved, and have a better haircut. There is only this life that I've shaped with my sometimes misguided choices. This imperfect, difficult, flawed life. But it is the perfect life for me, because it clearly shows me my strengths and my weaknesses, both of which are vaster than I ever imagined. 

No matter what situation I put myself in, I will struggle with the same character flaws. So no matter who I end up with, I will still have a hard time completely being myself. Because that's who I am. I reflect whoever I'm around so strongly that sometimes I forget what I'm like in my pure form. That's what I struggle with, and what I need to face. And no matter what job I have, my own company or a 9-5, I will always work myself to the bone because that's how I function. I try to solve problems and make plans late at night in bed. I sometimes have trouble turning off. 

So my life choices do matter, but only to a certain extent. They will change my specific experiences yes, but I believe that my soul is determined to learn the lessons that it needs to, regardless of the decisions I make. So in the end, the job or man or sandwich I choose may change my specific experiences, but not my overall experience.

I'm so concerned that I'm not quite being "me" or not getting it just right. But really, I can't escape who I am or what I will go through on this earth.